Name: Caitlin
Bon Arrivee!
Well hello there,
It certainly has been awhile but I just wanted to get something out there to let y'all know that I am doing just fine, sweating buckets in my district capital at the moment; but otherwise just fine.
I got back in country on Monday after going home to take care of family and to take a break. Very impromptu and all, hence no forewarning. I am also planning a trip to Barcelona at the end of May with Tom the man and you will be hearing all about that. So home was wonderful and although I was asked within minutes of arriving whether it was hard coming back I could honestly answer no. My decision was made before I even left to come back which was supported by the need to actually accomplish something other than how to make a good pot of rice, or wash jeans by hand until their squeaky clean. OK, I'm still working on the latter, but at least they smell good.
So my arrvial was celebrated with hugs and shrieks from all volunteer friends, and endless conversations with Burkinabe consisting of; "Welcome, how is your family, do you have your health, is everything good? OK, thank god." Phew, talk about drama. I spent two relaxing days in the capital, watched my friends ship out to Ghana for a little vacation of their own and I headed off to village to start the process of cleaning, ugh. I know my house will be gross, like 3" of dust everywhere, cockroaches and dead lizards gross. Well, I'm not there yet because I first stopped off in Dori and slept over in a hotel, with airconditioning! I guesstimate its about 110 during the day and then about 85-90 at night. At the volunteer house in the capital it looks more like a frat than ever with mattresses strewn about the screened in patio because you might drown in your own sweat if you try to sleep indoors. We'll see how well that works in village where my bamboo porch does not currently have a door. Hmmmm.
So I finally made it to Gorom and headed over to the post office to see if I had anything waiting for me. To my astonishment I had 5 packages of all shapes and sizes and while I had the biggest grin on my face the post office attendant did not look so pleased with all the paperwork to be filled out.... An hour later I was free to leave with my packages. But how to get them from the post office to the hospital about 1km away?.... Duh du duuuh! Donkey to the rescue! I hailed a donkey cart and after some heated negotiating we were off, at a blazing 1 mile per hour. I could have walked faster than the poor guy but where's the fun in that. And apparently the donkey's welfare is the last consideration as we picked up a small family headed in the same direction, pas de problem.
Then I spent the afternoon going through my prized possessions; listening to lulu's audio letter while mowing some jerky and pouring all chocolate into a bag to go into the fridge in hopes of recreating its original form and consistancy. Don't get me wrong i like chocolate soup and all; but there's something satisfying about chewing, I don't know. And I made plans to start my world puzzle and thank god I have luna bars for life (or at least a few weeks) cause I did not bring a single one with me and without them I'd be going breakfast-less. Re-adjusting will take a little time and I'm just not ready for the usual bread and instant coffe combo of which everyone here is just so fond. I'll get there one day, or maybe not.
That's one of the hardest things about this trip, knowing your limits of adaptation and what should be altered or compromised, and what shouldn't. This could refer to something as practical as whether to drink the local water that is offered to me 10 times a day as a sign of welcome, or sticking to my workout regime. But then the lines get blurry when you consider the western work ethic and definition of success; how much should be integrated into the local way of life? If I dove in head first I would be drinking the water and have permanent diarrhea, not working out because people think it is bizarre, working 2 hours a day and drinking tea the rest, and being satisfied with exchanging my culture instead of promoting a concrete and sustainable mode of development. I know that expectations have to be downsized because of the mountain of obstacles and limited resources, but I have my limits and to feel like a productive and capable volunteer I have goals that to make my time effective need to be achieved.
So this is my ongoing debate which is compounded by the Peace Corps administration who is absentee at best and demoralizing at worst. Volunteers have found that if you can not achieve something on your own then it is likely not possible because the Peace Corps management is for the most part so unorganized and inefficient that it is futile to even ask for help. This makes a sometimes difficult job feel impossible and a sense of disconnect turn into hopelessness. When I had a meeting with the country director I expressed my interest in my training that I have yet to recieve, I explained how it was my #1 priority right now because I had many questions after completing my community evaluation and in order to be an effective volunteer I was looking for answers; how to fund raise, start an english club, start a credit and savings club, montior and evaluate presentations, etc. Her response, "You do not get to come in here and tell us when your training will be," with an icy if not hostile tone. Not even 48 hours in country and before I even arrived in village I realized the biggest obstacle was sitting in front of me. A director who served in the 60's and thinks that we are spoiled for having cell phones and should never leave our village or fraternise with other volunteers because she didn't have to so why should we. Every request goes in one ear and right out the other, and it feels as though you are talking to yourself, as if we did not feel alone enough already. She has searched through the computers at the PC office looking for incriminating pictures that people downloaded; partying, being out of village without permission, riding a bike without a helmet. She was successful once and a great small business volunteer was sent home. I understand rules are important but who's side are you on? she then wrote an article titled, "I'm disapointed" in our monthly newsletter. As if our moral was not low enough from losing a great friend and volunteer, it was insulting. I do not want to question my decision to come back on these people (our supervisors) who obviously could care less about their greatest resource (volunteers). I came here for me and Burkina; not the US goverment. But unfortunately without their support, material, mental and verbal it can make this time seem futile and if I can find happiness and fulfillment elsewhere then so be it. I'm no where near leaving but I can recognize when the odds are stacked too high and if I am not a happy volunteer then I know I can not be an effective one.
Wow- so I did not plan on including that rant but it has been at the forefront of almost every waking hour so it feels good to get it out. Feel free to scroll through it. Now that I have used almost 2 hours at the internet cafe and my stomach is doing its hunger dance; I should cut out. Now you may understand a little better that when I say thank you for your support, without which I would not be here, I really mean it. Every day is a challenge and hearing your own trials, tribulations, great memories and laugh out loud moments make it all the easier to keep on keeping on. So thank you.
Take care until next time, cheers!
Caitlin
It certainly has been awhile but I just wanted to get something out there to let y'all know that I am doing just fine, sweating buckets in my district capital at the moment; but otherwise just fine.
I got back in country on Monday after going home to take care of family and to take a break. Very impromptu and all, hence no forewarning. I am also planning a trip to Barcelona at the end of May with Tom the man and you will be hearing all about that. So home was wonderful and although I was asked within minutes of arriving whether it was hard coming back I could honestly answer no. My decision was made before I even left to come back which was supported by the need to actually accomplish something other than how to make a good pot of rice, or wash jeans by hand until their squeaky clean. OK, I'm still working on the latter, but at least they smell good.
So my arrvial was celebrated with hugs and shrieks from all volunteer friends, and endless conversations with Burkinabe consisting of; "Welcome, how is your family, do you have your health, is everything good? OK, thank god." Phew, talk about drama. I spent two relaxing days in the capital, watched my friends ship out to Ghana for a little vacation of their own and I headed off to village to start the process of cleaning, ugh. I know my house will be gross, like 3" of dust everywhere, cockroaches and dead lizards gross. Well, I'm not there yet because I first stopped off in Dori and slept over in a hotel, with airconditioning! I guesstimate its about 110 during the day and then about 85-90 at night. At the volunteer house in the capital it looks more like a frat than ever with mattresses strewn about the screened in patio because you might drown in your own sweat if you try to sleep indoors. We'll see how well that works in village where my bamboo porch does not currently have a door. Hmmmm.
So I finally made it to Gorom and headed over to the post office to see if I had anything waiting for me. To my astonishment I had 5 packages of all shapes and sizes and while I had the biggest grin on my face the post office attendant did not look so pleased with all the paperwork to be filled out.... An hour later I was free to leave with my packages. But how to get them from the post office to the hospital about 1km away?.... Duh du duuuh! Donkey to the rescue! I hailed a donkey cart and after some heated negotiating we were off, at a blazing 1 mile per hour. I could have walked faster than the poor guy but where's the fun in that. And apparently the donkey's welfare is the last consideration as we picked up a small family headed in the same direction, pas de problem.
Then I spent the afternoon going through my prized possessions; listening to lulu's audio letter while mowing some jerky and pouring all chocolate into a bag to go into the fridge in hopes of recreating its original form and consistancy. Don't get me wrong i like chocolate soup and all; but there's something satisfying about chewing, I don't know. And I made plans to start my world puzzle and thank god I have luna bars for life (or at least a few weeks) cause I did not bring a single one with me and without them I'd be going breakfast-less. Re-adjusting will take a little time and I'm just not ready for the usual bread and instant coffe combo of which everyone here is just so fond. I'll get there one day, or maybe not.
That's one of the hardest things about this trip, knowing your limits of adaptation and what should be altered or compromised, and what shouldn't. This could refer to something as practical as whether to drink the local water that is offered to me 10 times a day as a sign of welcome, or sticking to my workout regime. But then the lines get blurry when you consider the western work ethic and definition of success; how much should be integrated into the local way of life? If I dove in head first I would be drinking the water and have permanent diarrhea, not working out because people think it is bizarre, working 2 hours a day and drinking tea the rest, and being satisfied with exchanging my culture instead of promoting a concrete and sustainable mode of development. I know that expectations have to be downsized because of the mountain of obstacles and limited resources, but I have my limits and to feel like a productive and capable volunteer I have goals that to make my time effective need to be achieved.
So this is my ongoing debate which is compounded by the Peace Corps administration who is absentee at best and demoralizing at worst. Volunteers have found that if you can not achieve something on your own then it is likely not possible because the Peace Corps management is for the most part so unorganized and inefficient that it is futile to even ask for help. This makes a sometimes difficult job feel impossible and a sense of disconnect turn into hopelessness. When I had a meeting with the country director I expressed my interest in my training that I have yet to recieve, I explained how it was my #1 priority right now because I had many questions after completing my community evaluation and in order to be an effective volunteer I was looking for answers; how to fund raise, start an english club, start a credit and savings club, montior and evaluate presentations, etc. Her response, "You do not get to come in here and tell us when your training will be," with an icy if not hostile tone. Not even 48 hours in country and before I even arrived in village I realized the biggest obstacle was sitting in front of me. A director who served in the 60's and thinks that we are spoiled for having cell phones and should never leave our village or fraternise with other volunteers because she didn't have to so why should we. Every request goes in one ear and right out the other, and it feels as though you are talking to yourself, as if we did not feel alone enough already. She has searched through the computers at the PC office looking for incriminating pictures that people downloaded; partying, being out of village without permission, riding a bike without a helmet. She was successful once and a great small business volunteer was sent home. I understand rules are important but who's side are you on? she then wrote an article titled, "I'm disapointed" in our monthly newsletter. As if our moral was not low enough from losing a great friend and volunteer, it was insulting. I do not want to question my decision to come back on these people (our supervisors) who obviously could care less about their greatest resource (volunteers). I came here for me and Burkina; not the US goverment. But unfortunately without their support, material, mental and verbal it can make this time seem futile and if I can find happiness and fulfillment elsewhere then so be it. I'm no where near leaving but I can recognize when the odds are stacked too high and if I am not a happy volunteer then I know I can not be an effective one.
Wow- so I did not plan on including that rant but it has been at the forefront of almost every waking hour so it feels good to get it out. Feel free to scroll through it. Now that I have used almost 2 hours at the internet cafe and my stomach is doing its hunger dance; I should cut out. Now you may understand a little better that when I say thank you for your support, without which I would not be here, I really mean it. Every day is a challenge and hearing your own trials, tribulations, great memories and laugh out loud moments make it all the easier to keep on keeping on. So thank you.
Take care until next time, cheers!
Caitlin
posted by Caitlin | 9:43 AM
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